Newsflash! Little kids are big fat liars. Oh, not in a pathological or a mean way, but children are miniature hedonists and they’ll say whatever they need to in order to get out of trouble and get what they want. A lot of parenting is about teaching the value of honesty and building trust, but it’s a tough row to hoe.
“I will listen.”
This is the biggest lie of them all, and it’s always said with big, sincere eyes. Every time I hear this one, I think to myself, “One Lie to rule them all, One Lie to find them, One Lie to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.”
“I did it already!”
This versatile, one size fits most lie is a favourite in my house. Commonly heard in response to requests to pick up their toys, brush their teeth, or put their socks in the dirty laundry hamper.
“I don’t have to go to the potty.”
Sigh. 10 minutes later, cue the mad race out of the car seat, back into the house, and onto the toilet before another pair of pants gets it.
“I’m so hungry!”
My two-year-old is famous for announcing this plaintively immediately after eating two pieces of chicken and an entire sweet potato at dinner. We’ve given up trying to explain what hungry actually means.
“Daddy said I could.”
Uh-huh. Do I look like I was born yesterday?
“Grandma said I could.”
Ever since Grandma moved into the basement, this alternate version has been moving up the hits list.
“I promise I’ll clean it up when we’re done.”
This one is all Tee. To be clear, I think she probably has every intention of cleaning up the Lego, picking all the couch cushions up, and putting away the books when she says this. She just doesn’t have the same motivation after the fact.
“I washed my hands.”
You did not. They’re sticky and they smell like spaghetti sauce. (Stop touching my hair.)
“She started it.”
Half the time this isn’t a lie, but I can’t tell when that’s the case so I’m including it here.
“I didn’t have any candy today.”
I can almost smell your pants on fire!